The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed. – Sebastian Chamfort (I have no idea who this guy is, but I totally concur)
Howdy – my name is Jon. What my name lacks in originality, I make up for in bizarre antics. For example, I hold a record in NorCal for the number of orthopedic surgeries at 14. Apparently, life-long physical therapy can also be a hobby. I am a writer and corporate trainer by trade. I didn’t plan on this career – but, like car accidents, flu pandemics, and pregnancies, it ‘just happened’. I actually wanted to be an actor or a pilot. I’m not sure how I got so sidetracked, but anxiety and my propensity to endlessly daydream could be to blame. I hold an M.A. from a university in California. I wanted to get a PhD, but was tired of being broke and asking my dates to eat dinner prior to actually going out. I still don’t have much money – but, I can now afford to shop for clothes that were not previously worn by strangers. I regret the decision to not pursue a doctorate, because when you say, “I’m a doctor” of something, people are more likely to listen to your meandering drivel. I was adopted as a child, and grew-up with one well-adjusted (though, very hyperactive) adopted sibling - a brother – and two loving foster parents. We were supposed to have an adopted younger sister, but upon realizing what a ‘shitshow’ my parents had in me, they abruptly contacted the adoption agency and said, “Thank you – but, we’re all done here.” It’s hard to believe they actually chose and paid for the experience of raising my brother and me. I cannot imagine the commission earned by whomever offloaded the two of us from that orphanage. Well played orphan dealer – well played.
I stated earlier that everyone suffers from worry and anxiety now and again. Everyone. Some of us just fail to shake it off when it has served its usefulness. Regarding my own anxiety, I realized that the more anxiety-related behaviors I experienced, the more I found myself laughing at them. Honestly, they’re pretty damn funny. Furthermore, I learned that the most creative people in the world – actors, artists, musicians, comedians, etc. – also struggle with anxiety. Over the years, I have found more and more humor woven throughout my anxious days. So, I began to chronicle these occurrences – many of which you can view within my blog and Facebook page. I gratuitously pat my anxiety on the ass each day, and thank it for giving me my creative abilities. Not to make light of the intense suffering that coincides with various forms of anxiety, but there is always another way of responding to stess than with a ‘gloom and doom’ approach. Taking even a slightly different perspective leaves the possibility for a much better day.
I realize the thought of laughing at one’s own suffering may initially sound brash and 
outrageous. But, stick with me. Sure, there will be days where humor is the furthest thing from your mind. Stress and anxietycan be serious business, after all. But, nothing is one-dimensional. What I am advocating is this: The more severe your own particular suffering, the more important it is to find some levity to the situation. If you are able to reach the point of finding some humor in your situation, excellent! You are a Zen Master over your worry and anxiety. But, few of us are such high-scorers in this type of mental sorcery. And, we secretly hate you for being so good. For the rest of us, make it a goal for yourself to find the lighter side of your angst in every situation.
Depending upon how anxious you feel at the moment, this may all sound like complete “bullshit.” Alas, no. My goal is to help make sense of this for you, while providing you some enlightenment to your angst. If you are able to obtain nothing else from a period of bad anxiety – even if separation anxiety or PTSD – let this small facet serve as your take-away: Look how much stronger you are to simply face each day than those who are not constantly derailed by worry and anxiety. By the very nature of your situation – whether a housewife or a veteran – you are a survivor – period. Acknowledge this. Own it. And, love yourself for your internal fortitude. Recognize that your greatest strength lies in your tenacity. And, with this acknowledgment, you have just achieved your first step toward making anxiety your bitch. You’re like “Buffy the Anxiety Slayer“. Or, Steven Seagal – before he got all pathetic.
When a person drowns himself in negative thinking, he is committing an unspeakable crime against himself. - Maltz Maxwell
And, remember: Nothing is all good or all bad. There is always a gray area. Where anxiety derails and detracts from one area of your life, it leads to more insight, compassion, and creativity in another area. Seem questionable?? I stated above that some of the most creative and talented people around are also neurotic, anxiety wranglers. Here are just a few from a lengthy list of famous anxiety poster-children:
- Abraham Lincoln (president & cinema buff)
- Alfred Lord Tennyson (esteemed poet & writer of stuff you should’ve read in college)
- Anthony Hopkins (creepy guy in movie with the sexually ambiguous Jodie Foster)
- Barbara Bush (former first lady and face on the U.S. $1 bill)
- Burt Reynolds (questionable actor & current Hair Club for Men spokesman)
- Charles Schultz (cartoonist & creator of the “Peanuts” & the adorable Snoopy)
- Cher (bizarre, ageless mannequin possesesed by the devil)
- Dick Clark (entertainer unnacceptably replaced by boring, douchebag Ryan Seacrest)
- Donny & Marie Osmond (sibling singing duo from the larger, cultish Osmond clan)
- Howie Mandel (actor & comedian deathly afraid of germs or touching you)
- Joan Rivers (freakishly giant mouth with working human-like limbs)
- John Madden (sports announcer whose eyebrow color has never matched his hair)
- John Steinbeck (author and the single greatest thing to come out of Salinas, CA)
- Johnny Depp (actor and anti-American ass-clown second only to Sean Penn)
- Michael Jackson (entertainer and American icon – *possibly loved little boys)
- Naomi Campbell (super-model & super-annoying, with a penchant for assault)
- Nicole Kidman (actress I’d like to see naked)
- Nicholas Cage (actor ….. & egregious idiot)
- Oprah Winfrey (host & narcissistic sociopath)
- Ray Charles (musician – not to be confused with the far less talented Jamie Foxx)
- Sheryl Crow (musician whom still occassionally tries to be Country …. and, fails)
- Sigmund Freud (psychiatrist & guy that made loving mom very, very weird)
- Winona Ryder (actress …. whom stole stuff, then fell off the planet)
- Winston Churchill (world leader, writer, renaissance man, & a man’s man)
It only takes only one person to change your life – you. - Ruth Casey
