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RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Sleeping diagonally across the bed

Some relationships end quietly in mutually flowing tears, while others terminate in a volley of profanities and Tupperware®. Men are often oblivious to the underlying signs preceding a breakup. We’re guys – the gender caught fornicating pumpkins in well-lit fields. I was completely blindsided to my worst breakup. It sucked the air from my chest as I patted my torso searching for an entry wound. Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less. I taunt you with my emptiness. [...]

By |October 19th, 2016|Advice Blog, Advice Slider, Main Blog, Main Slider|0 Comments

Breakup Advice: Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke – or, if it is

There's not enough glue in the world ... Dr. McDonagh and I receive a lot of emails and posts at State of Anxiety from heartache sufferers who could've and should have completely avoided their relationship pain and melee to begin with. Why?? Because the object of their affection was broken. It's inherent in our nature to want to 'right the ship' and repair what's not working. That's all fine. Unless what's not functioning comes with genitalia. Then it's always best to leave the broken pieces where [...]

Breakup Advice: Go ghost

I’d like to address a timely trend we are noticing within recent emails and posts sent by breakup sufferers. It’s related to the premise of “going ghost” following a breakup. It’s not a tool to make your ex wonder what you’re up to, or a component of gamesmanship. This is a self-preservation tactic designed specifically for you. Going ghost is the single best method of preventing regrettable acts. You cannot be remorseful if you have not taken any action but to be still. But, this [...]

Breakup advice: The breakup advice that can prevent the need for … breakup advice

To greatly increase your odds of avoiding a breakup, there is one commonly overlooked tactic to implement before getting bounced from your union: BOUNDARIES. And, if you've just experienced a breakup, it's never too late to leverage the mystic power of boundaries. Keep reading. When someone contacts State of Anxiety seeking breakup advice they're often in the early stage of breakup pain, while experiencing an emotional cocktail of shock, disbelief, sorrow, and a roofie of anxiety. This period is further laced with an overriding sensation [...]

By |May 15th, 2015|Advice Blog, Advice Slider, Professional Advice|1 Comment

Breakup Advice: How did this happen?

It’s common for tons of questions to run through our heads in the aftermath of a breakup. The Who, What, Where, When, Why, and Hows can dominate our thoughts and create an almost catatonic effect if we let them. It’s possible that for the first week or two this is your mind/body’s way of telling you what it needs: Just a little bit of time to sit back, absorb the blow, and recharge. There’s certainly nothing wrong with taking a brief time-out. But if time [...]

By |July 30th, 2014|Advice Blog, Advice Slider|0 Comments

Breakup Advice: Call/Text/Snapchat the ex?

One of the most common questions I hear from clients seeking breakup advice is, “Is it okay for me to call my ex?” In short, the answer is, "Probably not" - at least not in the beginning. I say probably because there are always going to be extenuating circumstances, like if you live together and have to figure out logistics. But, overall you're not doing yourself any favors by reaching out to this person. There was a reason for the break up, right? In my [...]

By |July 18th, 2014|Advice Blog, Advice Slider|0 Comments

Breakup Advice: Why all the now?

                   The time is always ... Now As you might have noticed during your breakup advice search, there seems to be a focus on “living in the now” to help survive a breakup.  Sound breakup advice will include a consistent and straightforward message. Part of that message will include the premise to "Stay in the now:" Don’t drift, don’t let your mind wander, and don’t start eating that pint of ice cream and wonder how you got to the bottom of it so [...]

Breakup Advice: Emotion regulation

Are there "good" vs. "bad" emotions?? It's a little known fact that there is no such thing as a good or bad emotion. I think this is a good place to start, especially since we tend to “feel bad” about “feeling bad.” Don't. Emotions simply are what they are; we just attach a good or bad label to them after we experience them. There are plenty of reasons why we do this: Societal messages, religion, family values, pharmaceutical commercials, our efforts to try and make sense of [...]

By |June 15th, 2014|Advice Blog, Advice Slider|0 Comments