mental health

Men, Anxiety, and Depression: 8 Ways to Mind Your “Manxiety.”

Men don’t get a lot of compassion – not as a gender, not toward one another, and not toward ourselves. We are the more impulsive, less-refined gender that has not progressed much since our cave-dwelling days, though we’ve learned to use salad forks and sneeze into our arms.

Sadly, and perhaps due to our ruffian nature, men are often perceived as an expendable lot, regularly sent to do life’s dirty work like defusing IEDs or repossessing tractors. When duty calls, somewhere a willing man answers.

The standards of masculinity are making men sick

It’s our own culture that depicts men as the stronger sex. This might be true when it comes to opening new bottles of ketchup or scaling a tree to save a kitten. But when it comes to our mental health, men are subjected to a culture in which the standards of masculinity literally make us sick. Men comprise the majority suicides but the minority of mental health service users.

It’s a myth that men have only two feelings: hungry and horny. Male anxiety, depression, and suicide represent a silent crisis, and one of the biggest challenges in combating mental health disorders in men is that they are difficult to reach through traditional methods, like physicians or mental health programs. Moreover, their conditions are often masked by risky behaviors, self-harm, and substance abuse.

Anxiety and depression run feral and cloaked within many men. Most try to channel or compartmentalize it while it individually displays as forms of fatigue or apathy; insomnia or lethargy; substance abuse; irritability; conflict and anger; isolation; impulsivity and risky behaviors; mood swings; relationship and job problems; denial; self-criticism; aches, pains, or digestive problems; indecision; and suicidal thoughts. I personally distracted from my anxiety and depression with feats of athleticism and binge drinking, resulting in 13 orthopedic surgeries and countless broken bones. I had no choice but to become a writer: My hands were the only thing not in a cast or physical therapy.

Emotions have no gender

Many men are too obstinate or ashamed to seek help for anything involving their head except balding or a nail from an air gun. Sadly, men hide behind the facades they feel pressed to create. Men have come to accept many things, but being considered weak isn’t one of them. Yet forms of anxiety and PTSD are conditions of the tough-minded.

Mental disorders and illness don’t care if you’re a war vet, foreman, or florist. They’re indiscriminate mind sweepers. They can happen to anyone, at any age or gender. And it’s not “all in your head”; mental illness is a medical problem that can wreak havoc 24/7 like any ailment affecting any other organ. There are tactics, however, that will can you an advantage.

8 ways to mind your manxiety

Radical acceptance is the new denial. One option you have for any problem is radical acceptance.¹ Radical acceptance is about radically accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you can’t change. Radically and mindfully accept that you can’t control everything, and accept yourself, even when you feel unacceptable.
Coffee and booze lie to you. Caffeine sets unrealistic expectations for your daily productivity and can spike anxiety. Though low doses (200 mg) are known to improve cognitive performance, studies reveal higher anxiety levels in moderate and high caffeine consumers compared to abstainers.²Alcohol is a depressant that slows down the brain and the central nervous system’s processes and can make stress harder to deal with long-term. “Living your best life” and “liquor” are antonyms.
Let me hear your body talk. Channel nervous energy, stress, and even depression into a regular exercise program. Physical exercise increases brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) expression, and many researchers now believe that regular exercise is the single best way to produce BDNF to naturally alter mood and reduce anxiety.³
Your bed is a time machine to pancakes. Sleep problems greatly exacerbate stress and anxiety, so promote good sleep hygiene: Get to bed early and at the same time each night. Turn off the electronics to turn off your thoughts and your stress. Research indicates that REM sleep may play an especially significant role in maintaining emotional well-being and psychological balance.⁴
Your cheat meal shouldn’t be a month long. Some say you can’t spell “salad” without “sad,” but there’s a direct correlation between a healthy diet and a positive mindset. During times of stress, we often turn to fast or processed foods which make us feel sluggish and less able to deal with stress. “Brain food,” such as the antioxidants in fruits and vegetables, is seen as improving cognitive function and idling with the prevention or easing of many stress-related mental disorders.⁵You’re doing it right if there’s no food at home, but just a bunch of ingredients to make food.
Plug your nose. Try alternate nostril breathing (aka, yogic breathing). This is a simple, natural breathing technique from Ayurvedic medicine that brings the body and mind into a state of balance and neutrality. Close one nostril by placing your thumb gently over it. Exhale; then inhale through the uncovered nostril. After each inhale/exhale (a breath cycle), switch sides. Then, leading with your out-breath, do one out-breath followed by one in-breath through each nostril. Repeat this series, alternating nostrils after each inhalation. It will likely be easier to breathe through one nostril than the other. You’re not deformed; it’s normal.
Be a freak of nature. A Stanford study found quantifiable evidence that walking in nature can reduce stress and lead to a lower risk of depression.⁶ By 2050, 70 percent of people will live in urban areas. Urbanization is associated with increased levels of mental illness, but it’s not yet clear why. Summer in the city ain’t where the living’s so easy. Anymore.
Get a mental spotter. Phone a Freud and get help through therapy. The easiest standard to use is that if your emotions are starting to interfere with daily life functioning, it’s time to get professional help. Make an appointment with your doctor or a mental health provider because you may need treatment to get better. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for anxiety. A therapist can help restore you to factory settings.

It’s perfectly acceptable to be a male experiencing anxiety. Iron Man had chronic anxiety and he saved the world.

“He Died Doing What He Loved” (and other lies)

Is there anything you love doing so much that you wouldn’t mind dying while you did it?

Erotic asphyxiation? Gender reveal firework? Tiger selfie? Telling someone you’re vegan? Probably not. Why? Because if you love doing something , no matter what it is, you want to keep doing it. Which you can’t do if you’re dead.

We all die while doing what we love: living. But most of us don’t want to die doing it. And doesn’t the pain of your life ending surpass any love for whatever you were doing in the moment?

I don’t know who combined the facets of dying and doing what you love. These are mutually exclusive events that don’t go together. At all. It’s like saying, “At least he choked to death on a scallop because he loved seafood.” In this instance, he choked to death. He also loved mollusks. So why sugar butter coat it?

It’s always loved ones who proclaim this cliché because it gives them a semblance of peace. Like, just by saying it we can feel better imagining Ken the kiteboarder slamming face-first into the side of that sailboat with a toothy grin on his face knowing his death had meaning despite the skull numbing impact of forehead to fiberglass hull.

I love horses. But if one kicked me to death in the face I’d slip into the afterlife having regretted ever loving the equine genus.

And consider the Texas rattlesnake handler who died after he was bitten at a festival in South Texas in April, 2022. Despite 20-years of snake handling experience, Eugene De Leon Sr. was handling rattlesnakes in front of a crowd when he was bitten on the shoulder. His family stated on Facebook that (hold for surprise) “snake handling was his passion, and he died doing what he loved.”

We’d never say this if someone died of drug addiction. Which is biased since drugs were obviously their hobby and passion. “At least he died doing what he loved – shooting up.”

And what about all those who die in their sleep? Who doesn’t love sleeping? But you’ll never hear anyone eulogized this way because it doesn’t sound right. Which is why it’s more about the survivors than the deceased. The dead person doesn’t care if everyone knows they loved napping. Anyone over the age of five loves napping.

Personally, if I died doing what I loved it would be while canceling plans. And my obituary should reflect the truth. “Jon is survived by the few people he had left after bailing on most everyone else.”

We use a lot of euphemisms when it comes to death. He passed, he expired, he departed, he left this world, he’s no longer with us, etc. Then there are the myriad of platitudes we use to comfort others during a loss: “He’s no longer suffering;” “He’s in a better place;” “He’s looking down watching over us;” “He lived a full life;” and … “He died doing what he loved.”

Find what you love and let it kill you. – Charles Bukowski

Making new friends as a man is hard because we don’t want them. At our peril.

I used to be the life of the party and hoarded friends like wine corks. I don’t know when or why I acquiesced on solitude, but today I prefer HBO and my own company. And it was long before a pandemic afforded me the excuse for social exile. As I age, I also find myself more disagreeable. I sometimes want to socialize, but on my terms.

I made my teen best friend in seconds when we were both walking our dogs after school. It was as seamless then as clicking “add friend” on social media is today. Except we had real world depth, and would go on to create years of delinquent memories. When I see someone walking a dog today, I only talk to the dog.

Making new friends as an adult is like navigating a Costco by finger in the dark. Most of us don’t even know where to start. For males, it’s now a crisis and hits our mental health and wellbeing hard. Loneliness is correlated with longevity. It’s a risk factor for health problems such as cardiovascular disease and stroke.

Men often give up relationships in lieu of financial pursuits. Research suggests that focusing on the accumulation of wealth and material goods results in less overall happiness and satisfaction in relationships. Color me obvious.

But relationships with other people have more of an impact on our physical health and longevity than do our genes. Science says so. (Mineo, 2017, Vedantam, 2018). A life of satisfying relationships can extend longevity by up to 22 percent. Furthermore, research supports loneliness as a risk factor comparable to smoking, obesity, and high blood pressure.

Party of one, drinks for two.

These are the culprits for our aversion to making new friends and manly kumbaya:

Low trust
Lack of time
Introversion
Fear of rejection
And being too picky

One study found that the most important factors were “low trust,” followed by “lack of time” and “introversion.” There are also the selfish “variants of concern” that exacerbate male loneliness. Whenever we’re reemerging from our man sheds, a new variant provides another excuse to turtle and hunker. With no discernible pandemic end, men have ditched their homies to be homey.

The next time someone asks you for directions, give them directions to your house.
“See you in 20-minutes, new best friend.”

The upside of being a writer is that I can accrue “friends” I’ll never know or meet, but they’re out there … somewhere. Publishing is like socially extending myself without the teeth, handshakes, and cover charges.

Sometimes I’ll meet a fellow man and think he’d be cool to hang-out with. But how do you swoon another grown man without getting scissor kicked? Such advances could be misconstrued as sociopathic. I too question the motives of affable men. Are they trying to sell me a timeshare or skincare regimen? What if they’re a realtor, or worse: a “life coach?”

I’ve recently made male friends, but they don’t feel like my buddies of yore. They either drink too much or not enough; their big houses make me question my own career endeavor; they’re breeders with kids; or I find reasons not to like them. Plus, it’s easier to spend hours on social media seeking validation from pseudo friends.

THERAPIST: “Anyways…”
ME: “’Anyways’ isn’t a word. I think you meant ‘anyway.’”
THERAPIST: ANYWAY, we were discussing your difficulty in making new friends.”

The #1 facet keeping adults in general from making new friends is … effort. Otherwise, it’s just two people saying “we should hang-out sometime” repeatedly until one of you dies. In absence of visiting a Man Park, there are other ways to leverage your social aptitude to make friends.

HOW TO MAKE MAN MATES:
Effort + Momentum = A New Friend

Making friends as an adult requires the same key facet as making friends as a child: Find something in common and go from there. “I see you’ve created a tiny human. I too have done this.” Or “Nice cobra tattoo. Check out my Tinkerbell.” Despite the awkwardness, be the one to reach out and suggest an activity – whether inviting coworkers to an outdoor happy hour or hitting Top Golf with high school or college pals.
Another easy way to make more friends as a man is to reconnect with old friends. They know you best after all. There’s nothing like reconnecting with old friends with whom you share life legacy, and who knew you used to drink Natty Light in your Camaro mullet.
In absence of a cache of former friends, you can …*shudder*… make new ones. Maybe it’s the guy who spot you at the gym on bench press, a coworker, a church men’s group, or a Pikachu Expedition Club. Consider joining social media groups for areas of interest. The gym is where I met many friends until Covid, and switching to spin biking in place at home to Netflix.
Join social media groups related to your hobbies or areas of interest. I recently joined online hydrofoil, SUP, and NorCal snowshoeing groups to join outings. I haven’t attended any yet, but everything starts with intent, all while reminding myself that: Effort – Momentum = No New Friends.
And if your life partner is your only friend, invite another couple out for a hike or over for dinner. Just don’t be the fourth wheel.

What I’ve learned in talking to other men, is that once I open the ‘vulnerability kimono’ and mention how tough it is to befriend other guys, they universally agree. In fact, I’ve yet to encounter another man who doesn’t struggle with it. It’s a wonder I haven’t started a dude’s friendship bracelet kiosk in the mall.

If you need another man friend, I’ll be the Chandler to your Joey. But I’m not joining your MLM or football pool.

Male Anxiety (“Manxiety”): The Lesser Known of the Anxiety Genders

Despite driving a pickup and owning steel-toed boots, I’m not a “man’s man.” I don’t look or sound tough, and I feel awkward at Home Depot. I own a gun, but it’s for caulking bathrooms. My life is a dichotomy in that I’ve spent years in Taekwondo, love football and rodeos, but have an affinity for frozen yogurt and watching Netflix with merlot and soy vanilla candles next to my cats, Thelma & Louise. I attribute my temperament to genes and California hippy tap water.

The origins of personal traits, to include anxiety, can be biological, environmental, or inadvertently “seed-planted” by anxious parents. Male anxiety (aka, “manxiety”) is clinically contagious if you’re around it long enough. My dad, a manly victim of indecisiveness, often had me second-guessing my own life choices, or not making one at all. To this day, I’m often paralyzed by an Applebee’s lunch menu or yellow traffic light.

Men are stalwarts of resolve with an uncanny ability to chug beer, char meat, and kill one another.

We recognize that our cars and lawn mowers need tune-ups and diagnostic tests, but we rarely wash our feet in the shower, let alone visit a physician for our own check-ups – especially for anything regarding the brain. And when we don’t prioritize our own wellbeing, neither do others. If you’re a man with anxiety, however, the norms become skewed and irrational.

I grew-up a hypochondriac certain that every pain, rash, bump, or twitch was something malignant or terminal. I visit the hospital countless times per year while spending the equivalent of a Range Rover of backup dancers on annual copays. What I thought was testicular cancer was an inguinal hernia from doing deadlifts. What I was certain was genital herpes was an ingrown hair. What I feared was Lyme Disease was an allergic reaction to grass. And what I accepted as a heart attack turned out to be … anxiety.

Only twice did I not go to a hospital when I should have. The first was at 18 while suffering intense chest pains and labored breathing because I had unknowingly collapsed a lung. In my defense, I thought it was heartburn. The second was when I intermittently pee’d blood over a 10-month stint. A rational man would interpret hematuria as the ultimate motivation for a hospital visit. But the only thing worse than my fear of potential hospice, was the anxiety of a pending cystoscopy.

Consequently, I settled on platinum level denial until I landed in surgery and chemo. Ignorance is a prickly muse. With chronic male anxiety, it’s torturous to determine what warrants an ER visit versus antacids. And when it came to my mental health, I handled it like most men: denial, distraction, and drugs. In that order.

Most men with anxiety have no idea what’s wrong with them – like Bill Bixby in “The Hulk,” they just feel “off.”

Denial and distraction are why so many men walk around as functioning alcoholics or addicts. In the absence of knowing any better or a willingness to seek help regarding male anxiety, we plug the holes however we can. But if you treated any other disorder by ignoring or avoiding it, the outcome would be similarly grim. You can ignore asthma and diabetes for a while too. But every disorder has its dues.

Since anxiety, depression, and all disorders of the mind are still largely stigmatized among men, my first coping tactic was denial; lest I appear weak and vulnerable among my peers. “While some may consider this a stereotype – that men do not seek help for mental health issues – it is statistically correct… men are much more stigmatized by any admission of a psychiatric illness and are much less likely to seek treatment,” cites Sammie LaMont Moss, MD, a psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente in Denver.

This is particularly troublesome as depression and anxiety in men are more likely to manifest in substance abuse and suicidal behavior. “We often see in the clinical setting that an attempt to address anxiety can manifest in different ways. For example, men will turn to substances like alcohol or cannabis for some immediate relief, which can cause long-term, harmful effects,” says Moss.

How anxiety presents in men:

I’m an exceptionally kind and empathetic guy, but anxiety makes me irritable and angry. If I’m forced to socially interact or deal with a rude stranger, I become a Chupacabra with a flashpoint of Aqua Net. I expend great effort trying to determine when I’m feeling anxious before it defaults to a felony persona. But distinguishing between anxiety and petulance requires Maharajah level introspection.

“Due to the social pressure that men experience based on the unwritten rule that men are to be strong and in control at all times, anxiety is not easily identifiable in men, even if that man’s anxiety has reached overwhelming levels” says San Diego psychologist and singer/songwriter, Dr. Bruce Thiessen. “Many of the symptoms may express somatically, in the form of medical problems or conditions, such as ulcers, back pain, hypertension and the like,” he says.

Chicago-based clinical psychologist and founder of the LEAP Center for Anxiety, Dr. Dustin Siegel, agrees. “A lot of men have been told their whole lives to ’man up’ or ‘be tough.’ It’s hard for many men to talk to someone else about their vulnerabilities, and one of the paradoxical truths about mental health is that the more a person – male or female – tries to bottle-up their feelings, the more likely they are to develop a problem.”

If I simply ignored my feelings of angst, I could pretend anxiety didn’t exist for me. But denial wasn’t designed nor intended to work long-term. And when denying anxiety exacerbated problems, I turned to distraction. People’s secrets were always safe with me because I was never listening. Distraction is an effective but equally short-term, non-curative technique in countering stress or discomfort, in that it avoids addressing the core issue.

How does chronic anxiety for men differ in anxiety for women?

“The most obvious signs of male anxiety are the physical ones,” says Psychiatrist and Chief Medical Officer at Success TMS, Dr. Lindsay Israel. “Men might find themselves going to the emergency room or their primary care provider with complaints of chest pain, fearful they are having a heart attack,” adds Israel. As men, we need to save our hearts for red meat and breakups.

Though anxiety is an equal opportunist, Israel shares that “women are twice as likely to develop an anxiety disorder as compared to men, and women are more likely to seek help for their anxiety symptoms. Therefore, men are more likely to develop severe symptoms of anxiety and possibly develop an additional depressive disorder due to the lack of treatment intervention.”

Dr. Thiessen confirms this assertion adding that, “men are also more likely to become aggressive, and to develop problems in their relationships, due to dysfunctional ways of expressing their anxiety. Many men turn to drugs alcohol, gambling, and personally-destructive sexual addictions to relieve chronic stress through escape,” says Thiessen.

In my case, I wielded distraction like artillery over my physical wellbeing. I over trained in the gym, over ran the trails, and over swam in the lap pool. But I also over imbibed alcohol. Drinking to distract is a futile endeavor. I would later harm-reduce to cannabis edibles, tinctures, and vapes. And on a few occasions, I casually overdid those too. Overdosing on sativa edibles leads to a nauseous, frenzied panic that is ruefully memorable with a hangover that rivals kerosene.

So, what to do with all this male anxiety?

Men are fixers. We often try to fix things and people that aren’t broke. It’s important to note that acute anxiety that prompts us to do our taxes or flee a K-pop mob is healthy. Once it becomes long term or chronic, however, it’s detrimental to one’s physical and mental health.

“One of the best ways for men to become comfortable with accepting that he has a mental health issue is to speak to other people,” says Moss. “Quite often a man will be surprised to learn how many other people are suffering similar difficulties. Finding out that you are not alone can go long way to help normalize what you’re experiencing,” adds Moss. Anxiety doesn’t always love company, but it loves perspective.

Thiessen upholds this tenant. “Men need to feel accepted, and not judged, for showing both strength and weakness. Society might judge them, mental health providers will not,” he says. In almost every instance where I’ve revealed my anxiety struggles to another man, he has replied in commiseration with his own. It’s not that I only talk with guys at wine bars or waiting outside Zara stores at malls. Rather it’s indicative of the ratio and cross section of men silently suffering from anxiety.

You don’t need a panic room; you need a panic plan.

There are simple and clinically effective things men can do to lower their anxiety:

Talk to your primary care provider who could potentially prescribe medication or refer you to other specialists who can help. “This is also an area where group therapy, segregated by gender, may help – particularly for men who are stigmatized and think they’re being seen as weak or as a victim. Learning what other men experience can help break that stigma,” highlights Moss.
There are phone apps for anything from interpreting your cat’s meows, to fermenting mead in your man-shed, to treating your anxiety while preserving your privacy. Moss encourages his patients to leverage smart phone apps like Calm, myStrength, and Headspace. Digital therapeutics are a thing now.
Biofeedback, medications such as SSRIs, SNRIs, and in more recent years, neuromodulation such as TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) are all effective options of treatment for anxiety disorders. “Typically, it is not any one modality that targets these symptoms for a person, it is more often a combination of various modalities that gives the most optimal results,” says Israel.
Physical exercise is an exceptional way to relieve anxiety. “Exercise prevents an excessive buildup of cortisol in the body, while increasing levels of epinephrine and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that modulate of anxiety, and regulate mood and emotion, yielding a sense of peace of mind,” cites Thiessen. Hakuna Masquata, fellow men. Moss suggests also integrating healthy lifestyle choices, nutritious eating, and limiting harmful substances like alcohol and cannabis.

More than just the ‘greatest hits’ to contest male anxiety, this is my own triage to maintaining a career, relationships, and a life largely unfettered by the cerebral minesweeper of anxiety.

Because there’s no place like “om.”

Real Friends Don’t Leave You Behind When You Tie Your Shoes

Humans are incapable of unconditional love and support. We aren’t Jesus or Golden Retrievers. But friendships often get tested, which can determine if they fulfill even the basic tenets of a steadfast alliance.

Nothing separates friendship wheat and chaff like personal crisis.

The issue has less to do with the strength of the bond, and more with our individual strength of character. Therefore, you’ll see fringe acquaintances rise above all expectations during hard times, while lifetime “besties” often fall flat in providing emotional support … or helping you move.

I avoid risky physical endeavors so I’m not rendered paralyzed or suffer a traumatic brain injury, because few of my friends are inherently kind enough to drop-off Miller Lite and Advil or remove my Christmas tree without wondering what’s in it for them. I’ve replaced these friends with ones I can rely on, like Instacart and Uber Eats.

“I’m Sorry I annoyed you with my unwavering friendship.”

When my mom’s cancer recently spread to her brain, requiring an ominous surgery, I didn’t see her for months while she was hospitalized due to Covid protocols. “Close” friends knew full-well of my struggle. But after two weeks, the check-ins ceased. As if sending a text was too cumbersome. I realized that my friendships existed only because of sarcasm and alcohol. Truth is that many people don’t have enough nice-juice to sustain lengthy compassion or empathy.

Some people are simply too distracted or facing their own trials to tap into much more. They need your crisis to abate before you quickly drain them of their courtesy reserves. Guys are the worst with this; unless they’re a pastor or bartender.

In 2020, support of any kind became a luxury, with an entire populace spread thin contending with the flurry of bummer-hail reigning down. But care still abounds – you just need to know where to find it. Here are a few “ins:”

1. IN an Animal Shelter. Consider adopting/rescuing a pet. The positive emotional and mental impact a pet (or, four) can have is both quantifiable and immeasurable.

2. IN a Side-Hustle. Jump hastily into a passion project or side hustle. You aren’t defined by your job, unemployment, or mental state(s). You are the sum of your passions and related contributions. The World needs your gifts.

3. IN the Now. Stay rooted in the moment (aka, mindfulness), from one single instant to the next. Do not look to the past, and certainly don’t project into the future. There’s nothing in either place for you.

4. IN Beads of Sweat. Before you can vibe and attract the right people, you’ve got to be your best self in body, mind, and spirit. Exercise will get you 33.33% closer to the goal. Whether it’s regular walks or hikes, weightlifting, CrossFit, or taking your new rescue pup to the dog park, get your glisten on.

5. IN Volunteerism. Philanthropy is the quickest and most direct path out of your own head. It’s also bastes your psyche in much needed catharsis and perspective whenever things feel the direst. Start here: https://www.volunteermatch.org/

6. IN Introspection. There is considerable value in self-examination, to include analyzing your own motivations and actions. This includes examining why you attract and roll with your current tribe. Once you better understand yourself – whether by brief epiphany or wholly “knowing thyself” – you’ll allow only the highest caliber of people into your circle.

Be your own best friend first, and you’ll meet some equally awesome ones along the way.

In the meantime, you’ve got me and my rescues, Thelma & Louise.

Is that a Pachyderm On Your Chest?

We Are the Unhappiest We’ve Been in 50 Years…

Many of us are one wobbly-wheeled grocery cart encounter away from arm-barring someone’s maskless, selfish face. Especially here in California, where heat, wildfires, high Covid rates, and a hyper-contentious looming election add further anxiety, anarchy, and possibly more monster truck rallies into our collective future.

Like you, I’m facing notable levels of grief and apathy – as indicated by my 2 am binge-watching of Cobra Kai, eating weed gummies, and hitting snooze until lunchtime. Then taking a nap around 4:00. I even lack the energy to thumb scroll and judge people on social media. I’m filled with a general malaise where I can’t focus on anything beyond licking a stamp or overeating.

With over a month of West Coast wildfires, leaving the house means chewing through the chowder thick, carcinogenic air. It has even crept into the house where I have to regularly rinse my eyes with cold water. There is no escape beyond driving hundreds of miles east. Which I’m too apathetic to do. I often find myself standing in a window searching for the glowing orange orb of a sun through the claustrophobic haze. When I find it, I stare too long.

With all the adverse events unfolding, I’ve traded the great outdoors for brief, masked interactions at Trader Joe’s or Petco. My hikes replaced by long, boring spin bike rides and carpet push-ups.

I’m hearing a common theme about not just a general malaise, but something more concerning: An overall feeling of hopelessness. It’s not normal for so many Americans to feel this anxious or depressed.

A third of Americans are now showing signs of clinical anxiety or depression.

For every 100 American adults, 34 show symptoms of anxiety, depression … or, both. The data is directly from a Census study titled, Measuring Household Experiences during the Coronavirus (COVID-19) Pandemic.

Here’s the drop-kicker: Deep within that 20-minute survey, savvy U.S. officials included four questions taken from a form used by physicians to screen patients for depression and anxiety. The responses provide an alarming view into the country’s mental health after months of distress, seclusion, unemployment, and doubt.

The Census Bureau finding supports the mounting evidence of an increasing mental health crisis among Americans. Sadly, experts say that without intervention, the nation will experience a rise in suicides, substance abuse and overdose deaths.

And, what is our government’s response to this looming mental health catastrophe? Zero f#cks given. When asked how they would follow-up with respondents to the Census Bureau survey, the CDC said in an emailed statement:

“It is not feasible, nor would it be appropriate, to provide any health advice to respondents on the basis of their responses.”

The government actually has a responsibility to address the problems revealed by the survey. “If you measure a problem, presumably it’s because you want to do something about it,” said Maria A. Oquendo, former president of the American Psychiatric Association (APA). Doctors don’t diagnose patients with cancer only to send them back into the asbestos mine.

So, why should you feel hopeful?

Go easy on yourself. It would be weird for you to not feel jacked-up over all that’s happening. Current events are heavy and creating an unavoidable wake of despair for the majority.

Sonja Lyubomirsky, psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside, says that re-imagining happiness is almost hard-wired into Americans’ DNA. “Human beings are remarkably resilient. There’s lots and lots of evidence that we adapt to everything. We move forward.”

Source the humor! It’s always there. As Erma Bombeck once said, “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.” It seems personally blasphemous to laugh at our current misfortunes. But sourcing the humor is precisely what we need to do in order to cope. When you are overwhelmed by tragic events, humor is a useful defense mechanism. Time may not enable us to laugh at everything. But, tragedies and humor go together like cashiers and plastic sneeze guards.

When facing adversity such as illness or even death, humor serves as a buffer. In fact, people who think about death are actually funnier. The notion is appropriately called Terror Management Theory. Studies suggest that humor functions as a natural and often effective means of down-regulating stressful or traumatic experiences

Humor is embedded in tragedy, pain and struggle in ways we cannot grasp. And possibly, humor is also what will save us in all this mess. If not, NASA said there’s a 1 in 240 chance that an asteroid the size of a small car will hit Earth the night before the election

**Anxiety Disclaimer: Don’t worry. Asteroids of this size burn-up in the atmosphere long before they hit our ground. This won’t be the thing that does us in.

There is No “New Normal” Because There Was Never a “Normal.”

If you were to ask the general public what specific outbreak might wreak mayhem within our lifetimes, you’d likely hear Flu, locusts, boils, frogs, politicians or something similar from social media prophetics or the Book of Revelations.

Even when news of another coronavirus hit, it was in a far away land impacting only “other peoples.” It would seem hyperbole that cruise ships would become the vector ferrying tiny, spiky, murder spheres to our own shores.

Our sole defense was keeping the potentially contagious temporarily adrift on floating petri dishes, while enjoying 24-hour buffets and sequined ABBA and NSYNC cover bands.

But we’d soon be worried over parents, grandparents, and ourselves as we came face-to-face with our vulnerability and the inter-connectedness of our Planet. Moreover, we realized that nothing was ever “under control” – an illusion we had believed and subscribed to for a generation. And we became angry at the thin veil through which life was sewn.

Didn’t Someone’s God assure us we’d never be given more than we can handle?

Actually, no. This guarantee isn’t in the Bible, Quran, Torah, Guru Granth Sahib, Vedas, Tripitaka, or Kojiki. It’s a motivational quip we like to keep next to those Live, Love, Laugh prints from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

The problem with living such a comfortable existence for so long, is the depth of the fall to a life of discomfort.

Thankfully, we’re buoyed by the frontline workers in healthcare, at nursing homes, behind badges, delivery personnel, pharmacists, grocery employees, and perhaps the most unexpected superheroes: undocumented agriculture workers – without whom we’d lose a vital tier of the food pyramid.

Mid 2020 has seen the indoctrination of millions of newcomers into the anxiety and depression clubs – the steep dues paid with inner chill and peace of mind. Though many of us (i.e., the anxious) have been mentally prepping for a lifetime, we too found ourselves ill-equipped for an epidemic. You can’t train for a contagion that exists only in one’s mind (another reason why worry is a useless endeavor). But suddenly it’s not so weird to clean an apple with a bleach wipe.

Find the humor, find the cure.

It’s always there. This might not be the best time to ponder Dostoyevsky’s Poor Folk or The House of the Dead – though I’m a huge proponent of the man otherwise. A pandemic calls for some light and cheery reading to facilitate levity and laughs. Consider anything from Dave Barry or Augustin Burroughs. And don’t overlook works by other great contributors like Erma Bombeck and Dorothy Parker.

Mark Twain knew it best: “The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.” Studies confirm that laughter lowers blood pressure and releases beta-endorphins, a chemical in the brain that creates a sense of joy. Moreover, humor is clinically validated to reduce stress long-term by improving the immune system through the release of neuropeptides, relieving pain, increasing personal satisfaction, and lessening depression and anxiety. The simple act of smiling causes the brain to release dopamine, which in turn makes us feel happy. But don’t worry about the science. Just YouTube “Sebastian Maniscalco” or “cat videos” and away you go.

Humor = Calamity + Time.

Humor will change your relationship to the problem of stress, worry, or anxiety. It reduces stigma, promotes wellbeing, helps you to cope with difficult situations, reduces tension, discomfort and stress; and strengthens your immune system. It’s pretty much a miracle elixir.

Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, sourced and used humor as one tactic to survive German concentration camps, and he highlighted humor as ‘another of the soul’s weapons in the fight for self-preservation.’ “The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living,” cited Frankl.

Humor produces endorphins that soothe the body and allows a responsive brain to take charge – like a legal massage somewhere with no blacked-out windows.

There cannot be a “normal” in an unpredictable world. We use terms like “new normal” to instill an element of control over things. Control is an illusion.

But radically accepting the randomness of life, while staying mindful in the present is damn liberating. We don’t like to admit that we actually have little control over anything – especially our own fates – yet we do things that impact our longevity. You can now observe the rampant OCD taking place nearly everywhere by those not accustomed to proper OCD’ing. For example, shaking hands during Flu season (or otherwise) has always been an archaic practice in the transmission of filth. Have you seen what you do with your hands?! Despite lacking opposable thumbs, even dogs know that sniffing butts is a more hygienic “hello.”

And consider a University of Arizona study revealing that cellphones carry 10 times more bacteria than most toilet seats. Yet we don’t hesitate to pinch zoom a pic when someone hands us their toilet phone.

And, how many times have you eaten birthday cake blown on by someone you didn’t like or barely knew? Well, you might as well have them blow directly into your open mouth. A study in the Journal of Food Research determined that blowing out candles over that sweet, sticky icing resulted in 1,400% more bacteria compared to icing spared the puff (The study was aptly titled “Bacterial Transfer Associated with Blowing Out Candles on a Birthday Cake”).

Black-light most any hotel room and it will look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Hotels will charge $250 for smoking in your room, but you can leave a bodily bio-hazard at no charge. This serves to heighten my perception of hotels as wildly filthy. And do you think the card keys ever get cleaned? I question the entire arrangement altogether. Most of us make that room as cozy as our own, in full denial that few people tip the maids upon checkout.

Hotels are where people go to cut their toenails, trim body hair, or bleed. The mattresses are literal smut sponges. But we gladly pay for the privilege of rubbing our faces into the pillows and bleach-infused towels.

Humor is ever present. You just gotta peek through the dank mental hues of your angst. Sourcing the lighter side of your emotions is vital – particularly when a third of Americans are now showing signs of clinical anxiety or depression.

Covid created a massive wake of anxiety and depression across the globe, along with budding terms like “immunity privileged” and “vaccine nationalism.”

Understandably, as most of us had not incurred a life disruption of this magnitude prior. During the initial stages of the pandemic, I spent most of my time hiding from humanity to avoid the contagion. My sole activity was sterilizing everything I ordered via Instacart and Amazon with disinfectant wipes. I wondered if anyone else was using hospital grade wipes on their organic lettuce.

There are a handful of things I’ve done to maintain internal peace and manage my anxiety during the quarantines and isolation. One of the most vital was distraction afforded by Netflix binges, naturally. But I also read a lot. At any given time during the pandemic, I’ve been concurrently reading five to six books depending on mood.

I also attend live or archived online church and devotional sessions to feel grounded. This is where I learned specific scriptures that also helped carry me through the salty times. Isaiah 41:10-13, Isaiah 53, Psalm 23, Psalm 40:1-3, Psalm 91, and particularly Philippians 4:6-8 were pivotal in smoothing the frays. Memorizing scripture is also a form of meditation. And it helps train the brain for other things – like remembering to brush your teeth or what day it is.

A good chunk of my Covid coping time was spent on building an in-home gym since my fitness center closed. This was exceptionally challenging as millions had the same idea, and every dumbbell, kettlebell, and old-school cement-filled, vinyl prison weight was sold-out everywhere.

Over weeks, I slowly accrued a Frankenstein gym of mismatched heavy things.

I converted my living room into a carpeted fitness studio where I performed calisthenic and plyometric feats of athleticism, such as 3,000 burpees and push-ups per month. I also fast-walked like a soccer mom late to A.A. 25 miles per week. Sadly, my ”nothing succeeds like excess” mindset and compromised shoulders reminded me why my body was made for writing in an ergonomic chair. I was soon too injured from one of the physical endeavors to do anything else, and I had to take two months off. But my anxiety did not.

Anxiety and depression can pique in the absence of coping skills. When we assign value or validity to intrusive thoughts and fears, it’s like mental Miracle-Gro. Talking to a therapist via phone or teletherapy is a measurably effective adjunct tool during stressful times.

There is a little-known dichotomy about mental health issues that makes seeking treatment difficult:

When you’re feeling anxious or depressed, it’s often hard to do what’s best for your welfare – this includes seeking help. My anxiety doesn’t want me to pay bills until I’m getting hate mail from creditors, fold laundry until I have no room on my bed to sleep, get groceries until I’m down to ramen and a jar of crusted mayo, or wash my car until stranger’s spell profanities on the windows.

There are two incidences when you should seek out a professional.

If you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, or if you are having passive thoughts about hurting yourself or others (even if you don’t have a plan or any real intent to follow through with these thoughts).
If your symptoms are starting to interfere with your daily life. Such symptoms could include suddenly not getting along with friends or family, difficulty with sleep, problems eating, doing poorly in school or work, or starting to use alcohol or drugs to cope or feel better.

How to choose a therapist

There are many different types of talk therapies available, and many types of therapists to choose from. So which therapy and therapist is right for you? When it comes to treating all mental health issues, especially anxiety or depression, you want to make sure you chose a therapist that uses an approach that is evidence based or empirically validated. This means that they say and do things to treat your symptoms that have been proven by research to be effective. It doesn’t mean watching episodes of Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz.

Client: “What should I do?”
Therapist: “What do you think you should do?”
Client: “Alright then, keep your secrets.”

When choosing a therapist, there’s an array of therapy degrees that include psychiatrists (M.D.), psychologists (PsyD.), and masters level therapists (LCSW, MCSW, etc.). Don’t get hung-up on the pedigree. Just make sure the person is licensed – meaning s/he went to a school that was accredited, received training that was accredited, and have passed both a national and state licensing examination to prove they know what they are talking about.

Equally important, you want to see someone that you like. If you’re going to see a therapist, the type of degree is less important than making sure they are licensed, using techniques that are supported by research, and are someone you can trust and get along with. I personally know some smart but ~~asshole~~ jerk psychologists that shouldn’t be advising anyone on anything, despite their diplomas. Remember who’s paying whom, and hire/fire accordingly.

How long will you need to attend therapy?

The duration of therapy needed is unique for everyone. Many people experience improvement within only a few sessions, while others reap benefits through months or even years of seeing a professional. There’s no commitment required. The goal is simply helping you achieve measurable improvement.

You can also access the “Managing Covid-19 Anxiety” resource page by the reputable Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA).

Just come away from this knowing that you never need to white-knuckle things alone. Your state-of-mind can make it hard to reach-out, which is precisely when you should.

Guest Post: Is Anxiety Killing Us as a Culture?

Anxiety is currently a serious problem. As a whole, the collective mind – particularly in Western cultures and North America – seems to be getting more distraught, more stressed, and more anxious.

This is creating a number of problems in society as a whole. Is anxiety killing us as a culture?

How Could Anxiety Do So Much Damage?

When someone is anxious, it’s a reflection of inner turmoil. Many of us deal with existential anxiety – the constant, looming sense of having no real idea of what we’re doing on this planet, or where our lives are going. Working, raising kids, going to school, and living in noisy, crowded cities can all promote high levels of anxiety.

This is problematic on its own – but unfortunately, a lot of people don’t acknowledge their anxiety or refuse to seek help for it. This means that there are millions of people living their lives in a state of anxiety while also believing that there’s no reason that they should seek help for it.

Anxiety is running rampant in society, creating a litany of problems.

Driving while anxious makes one more likely to have an accident.
High anxiety levels are leading to higher rates of drug addiction and overdose.
Parents who are anxious all the time are likely to raise anxious children (anxiety seed-planting).
High levels of anxiety and stress are known to contribute to physical diseases and is likely a factor in the increasing rates of disease in the United States.
Serious anxiety can develop into other conditions, a lower quality of life, and make people more likely to act out irrationally or even violently.

Knowing this, there’s no doubt that anxiety is something worthy of treatment. But what can we do?

How to Manage Anxiety

One of the reasons that people may not treat their anxiety is because they’re not sure how to go about it. Here are some reliable ways to manage anxiety.

Find a Therapist. Many people fear therapy will label them as some sort of ‘nut-case,’ but this isn’t anywhere close to truth. The brain is an organ that can screw-up like any other organ in the body. Does having asthma or cancer make you a lesser person? Hardly. The reality is that we’re all struggling with some sort of internal issue, and the strongest people are those who seek out therapy to improve themselves regardless of what others think. You can easily find a therapist on the Psychology Today website, or speak to an online therapist through one of many companies.
Consider Meditation or Breathing Exercises. Meditation has been used for thousands of years to help people manage things like chronic stress and anxiety. Beginning a meditation routine and doing it properly will yield profound results that can measurably improve both physical and mental health. Meditation has even been scientifically proven to lower cortisol, the stress hormone.
Practice Gratitude. Consistently (daily) focusing on just three gratitudes – no matter how small – at the end of each day, has a twofold effect: (1) It slows and replaces negative thought patterns with something entirely different. (2) It rewires the brain to stop automatically seeking the “bad.” Studies show that we can physically rewire and retrain the brain! Doing something 40 – 50 times creates new pathways, neurons and synapses in the brain that can be seen via MRI. And, doing it 60 times or more will actually thicken and reinforce those neuron bundles for the long-term!

If you follow these tips, then you’ll surely find that your mental health improves in no time.

I Don’t Feel Like Peopling: 10 Ways to Slay Social Anxiety (as seen in Reader’s Digest, June 2017)

At home and on social media, you’re an extroverted badass. In public, you become an isolationist dodging eye contact and handshakes, with a tendency towards agoraphobia and a general excitement over cancelled plans. Your favorite party trick is not going.

What is Social Anxiety?

The most common of all the anxiety disorders, social anxiety is an extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations. A little social anxiety is normal for everyone. However, when social anxiety becomes abnormal, it’s a self-serving, narcissist hell-bent on your full attention – like Kim Jong-un or Miley Cyrus.

Social anxiety disorder is an enigma in that it comprises a general distaste for peopling, with an opposing internal need for … people. But on your terms, and in limited doses. Social anxiety can save you money on all the fun things you would otherwise go out and do. The downside includes a sadistic focus on all things that can go wrong; nervously blurting everything you never wanted to say aloud just to fill conversational lulls; and performing extensive post-interaction analyses to scrutinize your perceived collective flaws.

How Does One Get Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is contagious. Sort of. Researchers are learning that anxiety disorders run in families, and that they have a biological basis, much like allergies, diabetes, and bad taste. Anxiety disorders typically develop from a complex set of risk factors that include genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life experiences.

Neurosis Loves Company: The Social Anxiety Numbers

Anxiety is the most common mental illness for adults, and the number one mental health issue in North America (source: NIMH). Of all the anxiety disorders, social anxiety is the most common, with 15 million American adults suffering a social anxiety disorder, or 13 out of 100 people. The malady is equally common among men and women, and typically begins around age 13. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about 1/3 of those suffering receive treatment.

All of this supports a rationale for keeping a blank social calendar from an underground doomsday bunker. However, you can get out there and thrive. Here are 10 ways how:

THROW A COUNTERPUNCH. Do not give in to what the anxiety is driving you to do. Instead, acknowledge it and say, “Hey, inner angst, I’m the shot caller and I came to party!” Whatever it is that counters the anxiety, do it. Each time you parry your fear, you are “rewiring” your brain and weakening anxiety’s hold on you. No one overcomes social anxiety who consistently avoids. Author and clinical professor of psychology at Weill-Cornell Medical School, Robert Leahy, Ph.D. stresses that, left untreated, social anxiety is associated with an increased risk foralcohol abuse, depression, loneliness, decreased occupational advancement and the increased likelihood of remaining single. Drunk, idle, sad, and alone is no way to live. Feel and face your anxiety – sober. You can actually do things while anxious and realize nothing bad happens.
EXPOSE YOURSELF. Many studies demonstrate the efficacy of exposure-based therapies for anxiety disorders, as summarized in several published meta-analyses according to Johanna S. Kaplan, PhDand David F. Tolin, PhD in Psychiatric Times. (“Exposure Therapy for Anxiety Disorders,” September 2011). We avoid what frightens us and, in return, are frightened by what we avoid. Expose rather than avoid by creating an exposure hierarchy. Write down scenarios that cause you anxiety in order of severity. Perform the easiest behavior first, and move down the list. Your hierarchy might start with asking a stranger for directions, and end with asking your boss for a raise. It doesn’t matter if s/he laughs you out the door. It matters that you actually asked. Social anxiety wants you timid and poor.
BECOME AN ASKHOLE. According to Mark Tyrell, therapist and co-founder of Uncommon Knowledge, asking questions makes for great social lubricant when you otherwise have nothing to say in a social setting. Ask open-ended questions such as, “How do you know the host?” Alternatively, try soliciting advice asking something like, “Does anyone have any good movie/book/sushi recommendations?” Ask follow-up questions that take the conversation deeper. Asking where the restroom or vodka is located, or when the party ends doesn’t count.
GIVE YOURSELF LICENSE TO CHILL. The more you worry and let anxiety rule your days, the more you wire your brain to continue worrying and being anxious, while continually linking anxiety to specific events. Instead, consider yoga, tai chi, or visualization to prepare yourself. In Psychology Today, Eric R. Maisel Ph.D. emphasizes a visualization technique to lessen anxiety. Create a mental picture of relaxing. It could be at a beach sunset, watching a forest gently sway to a breeze, leaves falling silently in your backyard, etc. When you visualize, engage your other senses as well. What does the place smell and feel like? What do you hear? Do it every day for long enough that it becomes as natural as staring at your smartphone.
PLUG YOUR NOSE. Try alternate nostril breathing. This is a simple, natural breathing technique for managing stress and anxiety. Close one nostril by placing your thumb gently over it. Breathe out then in through the uncovered nostril. After each breath cycle, switch sides. A breath cycle is one out-breath and one in-breath. Leading with your out-breath, do one out-breath followed by one in-breath through each nostril. Repeat this series, alternating nostrils after each inhalation. According to Ayurvedic medicine, alternate nostril breathing brings the body and mind into a state of balance and neutrality, and has been used by elite athletes for decades. It will likely be easier to breathe through one nostril than the other. You’re not deformed – it’s normal.
PUMP-UP YOUR JAM. According to Dr. Lisa Legault of Clarkson University, “Practitioners who are interested in using self-affirmation as an intervention tactic in academic and social programming might be interested to know that the strategy produces measurable neurophysiological effects.” Pick a mantra, slogan, or verse to incite yourself prior to an event or performance.Psalm 55:22 is an example calming scripture: “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Alternatively, to get motivated to conquer, consider AC/DC’s “For Those About to Rock.” Find your own song or chant that calms or inspires confidence as you head to a gathering or performance. Remember, anticipation of a worrisome social situation is usually worse than the actual event. Unless it’s going to prison.
SILENCE “BOO.” Boo is the cruel cynic in your head relentlessly booing you, filling you with worry and doubt. Like a mother in law, but invisible. Dispute Boo’s negative rants with truths such as, (1) you are more than capable of nailing the upcoming marathon/wedding toast/hostage negotiation; (2) there are at least as many reasons things will go right for you; and (3) you are competent, skilled, and deserve to be happy! Ben Martin, Psy.D. presents four main types of challenging questions to negative thinking: (1) What evidence do you have for this thinking? (2) Are there any other ways you could look at this situation? (3) Is this situation as bad as you’re making it out to be? And, (4) What can you do to help yourself solve the problem or to feel better?
STOP GIVING A #%@! what others think. Social anxiety is tied to feelings of being judged. The judgements and opinions of others have no reflection on your worth or talents. Social anxiety treatment includes learning to be flawed, while detaching approval from external sources. Being a perfectionist is fine in rocket science, but not when bringing Chex™ Mix to Bunco night. According to an American Psychological Association study, we consistently overestimate how much, and how badly, others think of us, causing us to be more inhibited and less impulsive and happy than we could be (“Do others judge us as harshly as we think? Overestimating the impact of our failures, shortcomings, and mishaps.” Savitsky, Kenneth; Epley, Nicholas; Gilovich, Thomas / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 81(1), Jul 2001, 44-56).
PRESS LEVER FOR SNACK. Rather than berating yourself in post interaction analysis, practice self-reward. Not with rounds of tequila or tattoos. But commend yourself for attending the event, for being present, and for facing down your anxiety. Each time you counter your anxiety, you whittle away its power over you, while gaining confidence to step in the ring again. You are taking your life back one endeavor at a time. A tenet of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is the importance of rewarding yourself for exposing yourself to your fears. You deserve the adulation, and you will be more motivated to do it again if there are some self-high-fives or frozen yogurts on the back end.
PHONE A FREUD. See your doctor or a mental health provider if anxiety disrupts your life or daily activities. You may need treatment to get better. Like a receding hairline, social anxiety happens gradually and initially without much notice. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for social anxiety. Self-medicating is not.

Anxiety hates to dance. So get out there and dance.

Stressed, Anxious, or Depressed? The world can harsh your chill (as seen in Justine Magazine, May 2017)

As seen in Justine Magazine – April/May 2017

Only 35 years ago, anxiety did not exist as a diagnosis. Today it’s the most common form of mental illness. But ours is hardly the first troubled era humans have endured. Our predecessors bore much saltier times such as Black Death; World Wars I and II; The Great Depression; Slavery; and that time all the dinosaurs went missing.

Prolific news and social media can have us drowning in gloom. The only winners in this unhealthy arrangement are the advertisers who regularly interrupt 24-hour news streams of wheelchair thieves and otter-punchers to scare us into buying underground survival bunkers and anxiety pills.

Stress and anxiety are in the mind of the beholder.

Stress and anxiety share many of the same physical symptoms. Stress is a state of mental or emotional tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. If you are stressed you feel anything from agitation or moodiness to a queasy stomach and chest pain. Anxiety is what one feels in reaction to the stress, and is worry that continues after the stressor is gone.

Anxiety can include feelings of nervousness, panic, insomnia, or doom about a pending event, life uncertainties, or even about nothing at all. Anxiety can further take the form of PTSD, OCD, panic disorders, phobias, or generalized anxiety disorder. It can make you feel cracked, neurotic, and cerebrally paralyzed.

Everyone experiences stress and anxiety at some point, and a little is beneficial. It kept your ancestors alive when a saber toothed tiger crept into their cave while they made s’mores. It keeps you sharp and motivated to respond to threats, deadlines, and unwelcomed Facebook tags. A problem exists, however, when there is too much stress; it becomes chronic, or leads to depression.

Simple ways to distinguish between stress and anxiety:

Unlike anxiety, stress is a response to daily pressures, while anxiety is more akin to fear and helplessness
Anxiety is classified as an actual mental disorder, stress is not
Stress is a response to a specific stressor, while anxiety often has no discernible cause
Stress typically goes away with the stressor, while anxiety tends to last longer and be more difficult to treat.
A diagnosis of anxiety requires persistence of symptoms for six months or more

With anxiety often comes depression, as the disorders are interlinked. Depression includes feelings of intense sadness, hopelessness, lethargy, and thoughts of death or suicide. Chronic stressful life situations can increase the risk of developing depression.

A prescription for quelling your angst:

When it comes to stress, anxiety, or depression, how you respond is vital. Consider using the following proven tactics:

Stay grounded in the present. Depression is rooted in the past, and anxiety in future thinking.
If anxiety spikes, implement 4x4x4 breathing (breathe in for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and do this 4 times).
Channel nervous energy into something creative.
Continually monitor your thoughts and dispute any that are negative.
Cite three things for which you are grateful each day, no matter how small.
Get to bed early and at the same time each night. And turn off the electronics to turn off your brain.
Have a productivity goal (something from your “To-Do” list) and a pleasure goal (something from your “Fun-To-Do” list) each day.
Eat well and exercise. Limit caffeine, eat your veggies, and stay active.
Add yoga, prayer, or meditation daily.
Practice Opposite Action. In other words, regularly counter what anxiety or depression is prompting you to do.

Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure everything out. You don’t.