mental health

There is No “New Normal” Because There Was Never a “Normal.”

If you were to ask the general public what specific outbreak might wreak mayhem within our lifetimes, you’d likely hear Flu, locusts, boils, frogs, politicians or something similar from social media prophetics or the Book of Revelations.

Even when news of another coronavirus hit, it was in a far away land impacting only “other peoples.” It would seem hyperbole that cruise ships would become the vector ferrying tiny, spiky, murder spheres to our own shores.

Our sole defense was keeping the potentially contagious temporarily adrift on floating petri dishes, while enjoying 24-hour buffets and sequined ABBA and NSYNC cover bands.

But we’d soon be worried over parents, grandparents, and ourselves as we came face-to-face with our vulnerability and the inter-connectedness of our Planet. Moreover, we realized that nothing was ever “under control” – an illusion we had believed and subscribed to for a generation. And we became angry at the thin veil through which life was sewn.

Didn’t Someone’s God assure us we’d never be given more than we can handle?

Actually, no. This guarantee isn’t in the Bible, Quran, Torah, Guru Granth Sahib, Vedas, Tripitaka, or Kojiki. It’s a motivational quip we like to keep next to those Live, Love, Laugh prints from Bed, Bath & Beyond.

The problem with living such a comfortable existence for so long, is the depth of the fall to a life of discomfort.

Thankfully, we’re buoyed by the frontline workers in healthcare, at nursing homes, behind badges, delivery personnel, pharmacists, grocery employees, and perhaps the most unexpected superheroes: undocumented agriculture workers – without whom we’d lose a vital tier of the food pyramid.

Mid 2020 has seen the indoctrination of millions of newcomers into the anxiety and depression clubs – the steep dues paid with inner chill and peace of mind. Though many of us (i.e., the anxious) have been mentally prepping for a lifetime, we too found ourselves ill-equipped for an epidemic. You can’t train for a contagion that exists only in one’s mind (another reason why worry is a useless endeavor). But suddenly it’s not so weird to clean an apple with a bleach wipe.

Find the humor, find the cure.

It’s always there. This might not be the best time to ponder Dostoyevsky’s Poor Folk or The House of the Dead – though I’m a huge proponent of the man otherwise. A pandemic calls for some light and cheery reading to facilitate levity and laughs. Consider anything from Dave Barry or Augustin Burroughs. And don’t overlook works by other great contributors like Erma Bombeck and Dorothy Parker.

Mark Twain knew it best: “The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.” Studies confirm that laughter lowers blood pressure and releases beta-endorphins, a chemical in the brain that creates a sense of joy. Moreover, humor is clinically validated to reduce stress long-term by improving the immune system through the release of neuropeptides, relieving pain, increasing personal satisfaction, and lessening depression and anxiety. The simple act of smiling causes the brain to release dopamine, which in turn makes us feel happy. But don’t worry about the science. Just YouTube “Sebastian Maniscalco” or “cat videos” and away you go.

Humor = Calamity + Time.

Humor will change your relationship to the problem of stress, worry, or anxiety. It reduces stigma, promotes wellbeing, helps you to cope with difficult situations, reduces tension, discomfort and stress; and strengthens your immune system. It’s pretty much a miracle elixir.

Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, sourced and used humor as one tactic to survive German concentration camps, and he highlighted humor as ‘another of the soul’s weapons in the fight for self-preservation.’ “The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living,” cited Frankl.

Humor produces endorphins that soothe the body and allows a responsive brain to take charge – like a legal massage somewhere with no blacked-out windows.

There cannot be a “normal” in an unpredictable world. We use terms like “new normal” to instill an element of control over things. Control is an illusion.

But radically accepting the randomness of life, while staying mindful in the present is damn liberating. We don’t like to admit that we actually have little control over anything – especially our own fates – yet we do things that impact our longevity. You can now observe the rampant OCD taking place nearly everywhere by those not accustomed to proper OCD’ing. For example, shaking hands during Flu season (or otherwise) has always been an archaic practice in the transmission of filth. Have you seen what you do with your hands?! Despite lacking opposable thumbs, even dogs know that sniffing butts is a more hygienic “hello.”

And consider a University of Arizona study revealing that cellphones carry 10 times more bacteria than most toilet seats. Yet we don’t hesitate to pinch zoom a pic when someone hands us their toilet phone.

And, how many times have you eaten birthday cake blown on by someone you didn’t like or barely knew? Well, you might as well have them blow directly into your open mouth. A study in the Journal of Food Research determined that blowing out candles over that sweet, sticky icing resulted in 1,400% more bacteria compared to icing spared the puff (The study was aptly titled “Bacterial Transfer Associated with Blowing Out Candles on a Birthday Cake”).

Black-light most any hotel room and it will look like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Hotels will charge $250 for smoking in your room, but you can leave a bodily bio-hazard at no charge. This serves to heighten my perception of hotels as wildly filthy. And do you think the card keys ever get cleaned? I question the entire arrangement altogether. Most of us make that room as cozy as our own, in full denial that few people tip the maids upon checkout.

Hotels are where people go to cut their toenails, trim body hair, or bleed. The mattresses are literal smut sponges. But we gladly pay for the privilege of rubbing our faces into the pillows and bleach-infused towels.

Humor is ever present. You just gotta peek through the dank mental hues of your angst. Sourcing the lighter side of your emotions is vital – particularly when a third of Americans are now showing signs of clinical anxiety or depression.

Covid created a massive wake of anxiety and depression across the globe, along with budding terms like “immunity privileged” and “vaccine nationalism.”

Understandably, as most of us had not incurred a life disruption of this magnitude prior. During the initial stages of the pandemic, I spent most of my time hiding from humanity to avoid the contagion. My sole activity was sterilizing everything I ordered via Instacart and Amazon with disinfectant wipes. I wondered if anyone else was using hospital grade wipes on their organic lettuce.

There are a handful of things I’ve done to maintain internal peace and manage my anxiety during the quarantines and isolation. One of the most vital was distraction afforded by Netflix binges, naturally. But I also read a lot. At any given time during the pandemic, I’ve been concurrently reading five to six books depending on mood.

I also attend live or archived online church and devotional sessions to feel grounded. This is where I learned specific scriptures that also helped carry me through the salty times. Isaiah 41:10-13, Isaiah 53, Psalm 23, Psalm 40:1-3, Psalm 91, and particularly Philippians 4:6-8 were pivotal in smoothing the frays. Memorizing scripture is also a form of meditation. And it helps train the brain for other things – like remembering to brush your teeth or what day it is.

A good chunk of my Covid coping time was spent on building an in-home gym since my fitness center closed. This was exceptionally challenging as millions had the same idea, and every dumbbell, kettlebell, and old-school cement-filled, vinyl prison weight was sold-out everywhere.

Over weeks, I slowly accrued a Frankenstein gym of mismatched heavy things.

I converted my living room into a carpeted fitness studio where I performed calisthenic and plyometric feats of athleticism, such as 3,000 burpees and push-ups per month. I also fast-walked like a soccer mom late to A.A. 25 miles per week. Sadly, my ”nothing succeeds like excess” mindset and compromised shoulders reminded me why my body was made for writing in an ergonomic chair. I was soon too injured from one of the physical endeavors to do anything else, and I had to take two months off. But my anxiety did not.

Anxiety and depression can pique in the absence of coping skills. When we assign value or validity to intrusive thoughts and fears, it’s like mental Miracle-Gro. Talking to a therapist via phone or teletherapy is a measurably effective adjunct tool during stressful times.

There is a little-known dichotomy about mental health issues that makes seeking treatment difficult:

When you’re feeling anxious or depressed, it’s often hard to do what’s best for your welfare – this includes seeking help. My anxiety doesn’t want me to pay bills until I’m getting hate mail from creditors, fold laundry until I have no room on my bed to sleep, get groceries until I’m down to ramen and a jar of crusted mayo, or wash my car until stranger’s spell profanities on the windows.

There are two incidences when you should seek out a professional.

If you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, or if you are having passive thoughts about hurting yourself or others (even if you don’t have a plan or any real intent to follow through with these thoughts).
If your symptoms are starting to interfere with your daily life. Such symptoms could include suddenly not getting along with friends or family, difficulty with sleep, problems eating, doing poorly in school or work, or starting to use alcohol or drugs to cope or feel better.

How to choose a therapist

There are many different types of talk therapies available, and many types of therapists to choose from. So which therapy and therapist is right for you? When it comes to treating all mental health issues, especially anxiety or depression, you want to make sure you chose a therapist that uses an approach that is evidence based or empirically validated. This means that they say and do things to treat your symptoms that have been proven by research to be effective. It doesn’t mean watching episodes of Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz.

Client: “What should I do?”
Therapist: “What do you think you should do?”
Client: “Alright then, keep your secrets.”

When choosing a therapist, there’s an array of therapy degrees that include psychiatrists (M.D.), psychologists (PsyD.), and masters level therapists (LCSW, MCSW, etc.). Don’t get hung-up on the pedigree. Just make sure the person is licensed – meaning s/he went to a school that was accredited, received training that was accredited, and have passed both a national and state licensing examination to prove they know what they are talking about.

Equally important, you want to see someone that you like. If you’re going to see a therapist, the type of degree is less important than making sure they are licensed, using techniques that are supported by research, and are someone you can trust and get along with. I personally know some smart but ~~asshole~~ jerk psychologists that shouldn’t be advising anyone on anything, despite their diplomas. Remember who’s paying whom, and hire/fire accordingly.

How long will you need to attend therapy?

The duration of therapy needed is unique for everyone. Many people experience improvement within only a few sessions, while others reap benefits through months or even years of seeing a professional. There’s no commitment required. The goal is simply helping you achieve measurable improvement.

You can also access the “Managing Covid-19 Anxiety” resource page by the reputable Anxiety & Depression Association of America (ADAA).

Just come away from this knowing that you never need to white-knuckle things alone. Your state-of-mind can make it hard to reach-out, which is precisely when you should.

Guest Post: Is Anxiety Killing Us as a Culture?

Anxiety is currently a serious problem. As a whole, the collective mind – particularly in Western cultures and North America – seems to be getting more distraught, more stressed, and more anxious.

This is creating a number of problems in society as a whole. Is anxiety killing us as a culture?

How Could Anxiety Do So Much Damage?

When someone is anxious, it’s a reflection of inner turmoil. Many of us deal with existential anxiety – the constant, looming sense of having no real idea of what we’re doing on this planet, or where our lives are going. Working, raising kids, going to school, and living in noisy, crowded cities can all promote high levels of anxiety.

This is problematic on its own – but unfortunately, a lot of people don’t acknowledge their anxiety or refuse to seek help for it. This means that there are millions of people living their lives in a state of anxiety while also believing that there’s no reason that they should seek help for it.

Anxiety is running rampant in society, creating a litany of problems.

Driving while anxious makes one more likely to have an accident.
High anxiety levels are leading to higher rates of drug addiction and overdose.
Parents who are anxious all the time are likely to raise anxious children (anxiety seed-planting).
High levels of anxiety and stress are known to contribute to physical diseases and is likely a factor in the increasing rates of disease in the United States.
Serious anxiety can develop into other conditions, a lower quality of life, and make people more likely to act out irrationally or even violently.

Knowing this, there’s no doubt that anxiety is something worthy of treatment. But what can we do?

How to Manage Anxiety

One of the reasons that people may not treat their anxiety is because they’re not sure how to go about it. Here are some reliable ways to manage anxiety.

Find a Therapist. Many people fear therapy will label them as some sort of ‘nut-case,’ but this isn’t anywhere close to truth. The brain is an organ that can screw-up like any other organ in the body. Does having asthma or cancer make you a lesser person? Hardly. The reality is that we’re all struggling with some sort of internal issue, and the strongest people are those who seek out therapy to improve themselves regardless of what others think. You can easily find a therapist on the Psychology Today website, or speak to an online therapist through one of many companies.
Consider Meditation or Breathing Exercises. Meditation has been used for thousands of years to help people manage things like chronic stress and anxiety. Beginning a meditation routine and doing it properly will yield profound results that can measurably improve both physical and mental health. Meditation has even been scientifically proven to lower cortisol, the stress hormone.
Practice Gratitude. Consistently (daily) focusing on just three gratitudes – no matter how small – at the end of each day, has a twofold effect: (1) It slows and replaces negative thought patterns with something entirely different. (2) It rewires the brain to stop automatically seeking the “bad.” Studies show that we can physically rewire and retrain the brain! Doing something 40 – 50 times creates new pathways, neurons and synapses in the brain that can be seen via MRI. And, doing it 60 times or more will actually thicken and reinforce those neuron bundles for the long-term!

If you follow these tips, then you’ll surely find that your mental health improves in no time.

I Don’t Feel Like Peopling: 10 Ways to Slay Social Anxiety (as seen in Reader’s Digest, June 2017)

At home and on social media, you’re an extroverted badass. In public, you become an isolationist dodging eye contact and handshakes, with a tendency towards agoraphobia and a general excitement over cancelled plans. Your favorite party trick is not going.

What is Social Anxiety?

The most common of all the anxiety disorders, social anxiety is an extreme fear of being scrutinized and judged by others in social or performance situations. A little social anxiety is normal for everyone. However, when social anxiety becomes abnormal, it’s a self-serving, narcissist hell-bent on your full attention – like Kim Jong-un or Miley Cyrus.

Social anxiety disorder is an enigma in that it comprises a general distaste for peopling, with an opposing internal need for … people. But on your terms, and in limited doses. Social anxiety can save you money on all the fun things you would otherwise go out and do. The downside includes a sadistic focus on all things that can go wrong; nervously blurting everything you never wanted to say aloud just to fill conversational lulls; and performing extensive post-interaction analyses to scrutinize your perceived collective flaws.

How Does One Get Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is contagious. Sort of. Researchers are learning that anxiety disorders run in families, and that they have a biological basis, much like allergies, diabetes, and bad taste. Anxiety disorders typically develop from a complex set of risk factors that include genetics, brain chemistry, personality, and life experiences.

Neurosis Loves Company: The Social Anxiety Numbers

Anxiety is the most common mental illness for adults, and the number one mental health issue in North America (source: NIMH). Of all the anxiety disorders, social anxiety is the most common, with 15 million American adults suffering a social anxiety disorder, or 13 out of 100 people. The malady is equally common among men and women, and typically begins around age 13. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only about 1/3 of those suffering receive treatment.

All of this supports a rationale for keeping a blank social calendar from an underground doomsday bunker. However, you can get out there and thrive. Here are 10 ways how:

THROW A COUNTERPUNCH. Do not give in to what the anxiety is driving you to do. Instead, acknowledge it and say, “Hey, inner angst, I’m the shot caller and I came to party!” Whatever it is that counters the anxiety, do it. Each time you parry your fear, you are “rewiring” your brain and weakening anxiety’s hold on you. No one overcomes social anxiety who consistently avoids. Author and clinical professor of psychology at Weill-Cornell Medical School, Robert Leahy, Ph.D. stresses that, left untreated, social anxiety is associated with an increased risk foralcohol abuse, depression, loneliness, decreased occupational advancement and the increased likelihood of remaining single. Drunk, idle, sad, and alone is no way to live. Feel and face your anxiety – sober. You can actually do things while anxious and realize nothing bad happens.
EXPOSE YOURSELF. Many studies demonstrate the efficacy of exposure-based therapies for anxiety disorders, as summarized in several published meta-analyses according to Johanna S. Kaplan, PhDand David F. Tolin, PhD in Psychiatric Times. (“Exposure Therapy for Anxiety Disorders,” September 2011). We avoid what frightens us and, in return, are frightened by what we avoid. Expose rather than avoid by creating an exposure hierarchy. Write down scenarios that cause you anxiety in order of severity. Perform the easiest behavior first, and move down the list. Your hierarchy might start with asking a stranger for directions, and end with asking your boss for a raise. It doesn’t matter if s/he laughs you out the door. It matters that you actually asked. Social anxiety wants you timid and poor.
BECOME AN ASKHOLE. According to Mark Tyrell, therapist and co-founder of Uncommon Knowledge, asking questions makes for great social lubricant when you otherwise have nothing to say in a social setting. Ask open-ended questions such as, “How do you know the host?” Alternatively, try soliciting advice asking something like, “Does anyone have any good movie/book/sushi recommendations?” Ask follow-up questions that take the conversation deeper. Asking where the restroom or vodka is located, or when the party ends doesn’t count.
GIVE YOURSELF LICENSE TO CHILL. The more you worry and let anxiety rule your days, the more you wire your brain to continue worrying and being anxious, while continually linking anxiety to specific events. Instead, consider yoga, tai chi, or visualization to prepare yourself. In Psychology Today, Eric R. Maisel Ph.D. emphasizes a visualization technique to lessen anxiety. Create a mental picture of relaxing. It could be at a beach sunset, watching a forest gently sway to a breeze, leaves falling silently in your backyard, etc. When you visualize, engage your other senses as well. What does the place smell and feel like? What do you hear? Do it every day for long enough that it becomes as natural as staring at your smartphone.
PLUG YOUR NOSE. Try alternate nostril breathing. This is a simple, natural breathing technique for managing stress and anxiety. Close one nostril by placing your thumb gently over it. Breathe out then in through the uncovered nostril. After each breath cycle, switch sides. A breath cycle is one out-breath and one in-breath. Leading with your out-breath, do one out-breath followed by one in-breath through each nostril. Repeat this series, alternating nostrils after each inhalation. According to Ayurvedic medicine, alternate nostril breathing brings the body and mind into a state of balance and neutrality, and has been used by elite athletes for decades. It will likely be easier to breathe through one nostril than the other. You’re not deformed – it’s normal.
PUMP-UP YOUR JAM. According to Dr. Lisa Legault of Clarkson University, “Practitioners who are interested in using self-affirmation as an intervention tactic in academic and social programming might be interested to know that the strategy produces measurable neurophysiological effects.” Pick a mantra, slogan, or verse to incite yourself prior to an event or performance.Psalm 55:22 is an example calming scripture: “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” Alternatively, to get motivated to conquer, consider AC/DC’s “For Those About to Rock.” Find your own song or chant that calms or inspires confidence as you head to a gathering or performance. Remember, anticipation of a worrisome social situation is usually worse than the actual event. Unless it’s going to prison.
SILENCE “BOO.” Boo is the cruel cynic in your head relentlessly booing you, filling you with worry and doubt. Like a mother in law, but invisible. Dispute Boo’s negative rants with truths such as, (1) you are more than capable of nailing the upcoming marathon/wedding toast/hostage negotiation; (2) there are at least as many reasons things will go right for you; and (3) you are competent, skilled, and deserve to be happy! Ben Martin, Psy.D. presents four main types of challenging questions to negative thinking: (1) What evidence do you have for this thinking? (2) Are there any other ways you could look at this situation? (3) Is this situation as bad as you’re making it out to be? And, (4) What can you do to help yourself solve the problem or to feel better?
STOP GIVING A #%@! what others think. Social anxiety is tied to feelings of being judged. The judgements and opinions of others have no reflection on your worth or talents. Social anxiety treatment includes learning to be flawed, while detaching approval from external sources. Being a perfectionist is fine in rocket science, but not when bringing Chex™ Mix to Bunco night. According to an American Psychological Association study, we consistently overestimate how much, and how badly, others think of us, causing us to be more inhibited and less impulsive and happy than we could be (“Do others judge us as harshly as we think? Overestimating the impact of our failures, shortcomings, and mishaps.” Savitsky, Kenneth; Epley, Nicholas; Gilovich, Thomas / Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Vol 81(1), Jul 2001, 44-56).
PRESS LEVER FOR SNACK. Rather than berating yourself in post interaction analysis, practice self-reward. Not with rounds of tequila or tattoos. But commend yourself for attending the event, for being present, and for facing down your anxiety. Each time you counter your anxiety, you whittle away its power over you, while gaining confidence to step in the ring again. You are taking your life back one endeavor at a time. A tenet of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is the importance of rewarding yourself for exposing yourself to your fears. You deserve the adulation, and you will be more motivated to do it again if there are some self-high-fives or frozen yogurts on the back end.
PHONE A FREUD. See your doctor or a mental health provider if anxiety disrupts your life or daily activities. You may need treatment to get better. Like a receding hairline, social anxiety happens gradually and initially without much notice. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for social anxiety. Self-medicating is not. You can find a therapist HERE.

Anxiety hates to dance. So get out there and dance.

Stressed, Anxious, or Depressed? The world can harsh your chill (as seen in Justine Magazine, May 2017)

As seen in Justine Magazine – April/May 2017

Only 35 years ago, anxiety did not exist as a diagnosis. Today it’s the most common form of mental illness. But ours is hardly the first troubled era humans have endured. Our predecessors bore much saltier times such as Black Death; World Wars I and II; The Great Depression; Slavery; and that time all the dinosaurs went missing.

Prolific news and social media can have us drowning in gloom. The only winners in this unhealthy arrangement are the advertisers who regularly interrupt 24-hour news streams of wheelchair thieves and otter-punchers to scare us into buying underground survival bunkers and anxiety pills.

Stress and anxiety are in the mind of the beholder.

Stress and anxiety share many of the same physical symptoms. Stress is a state of mental or emotional tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances. If you are stressed you feel anything from agitation or moodiness to a queasy stomach and chest pain. Anxiety is what one feels in reaction to the stress, and is worry that continues after the stressor is gone.

Anxiety can include feelings of nervousness, panic, insomnia, or doom about a pending event, life uncertainties, or even about nothing at all. Anxiety can further take the form of PTSD, OCD, panic disorders, phobias, or generalized anxiety disorder. It can make you feel cracked, neurotic, and cerebrally paralyzed.

Everyone experiences stress and anxiety at some point, and a little is beneficial. It kept your ancestors alive when a saber toothed tiger crept into their cave while they made s’mores. It keeps you sharp and motivated to respond to threats, deadlines, and unwelcomed Facebook tags. A problem exists, however, when there is too much stress; it becomes chronic, or leads to depression.

Simple ways to distinguish between stress and anxiety:

Unlike anxiety, stress is a response to daily pressures, while anxiety is more akin to fear and helplessness
Anxiety is classified as an actual mental disorder, stress is not
Stress is a response to a specific stressor, while anxiety often has no discernible cause
Stress typically goes away with the stressor, while anxiety tends to last longer and be more difficult to treat.
A diagnosis of anxiety requires persistence of symptoms for six months or more

With anxiety often comes depression, as the disorders are interlinked. Depression includes feelings of intense sadness, hopelessness, lethargy, and thoughts of death or suicide. Chronic stressful life situations can increase the risk of developing depression.

A prescription for quelling your angst:

When it comes to stress, anxiety, or depression, how you respond is vital. Consider using the following proven tactics:

Stay grounded in the present. Depression is rooted in the past, and anxiety in future thinking.
If anxiety spikes, implement 4x4x4 breathing (breathe in for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, and do this 4 times).
Channel nervous energy into something creative.
Continually monitor your thoughts and dispute any that are negative.
Cite three things for which you are grateful each day, no matter how small.
Get to bed early and at the same time each night. And turn off the electronics to turn off your brain.
Have a productivity goal (something from your “To-Do” list) and a pleasure goal (something from your “Fun-To-Do” list) each day.
Eat well and exercise. Limit caffeine, eat your veggies, and stay active.
Add yoga, prayer, or meditation daily.
Practice Opposite Action. In other words, regularly counter what anxiety or depression is prompting you to do.

Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure everything out. You don’t.